i love my nieces

they light up my day!

So i've realized how much i have changed.  Emotionally and physically. heres some pictures:

Prom 08 blonde hair senior year

15 years old in Illinois. 

Prom 07 

November 08

January 14th 09

getting my tattoo done. ow.

Homecoming 06?

Winter 06

Summer 08

May 09

June 09

June 09

June 09

July 09

July 09

New lip piercing 

August 09

New ring (stud instead of hoop)

Latest picture.
Oh my how times have changed.  No matter what i've gone through im glad everything has happened.  Because without all the problems and heartbreak and drama i wouldnt be the strong and wise person i am today.  Im thankful for everything in my life and i love my life now even when i have a case of the crazies and even though im still on the road to healing i love my life.  Im thankful to live here in Texas and to be in a house where everyone supports me and accepts me for the real me.  Im thankful to have my mom in my life even though we frustrate each other im so thankful to have her.  I love everyone in my life right now and i will appreciate any good influences that come through out my life from now on.
i love life and from now on will appreciate it so much more than i ever have <3

Turn your wounds into wisdom

So i'm sitting in the rocking chair watching the girls while they wind down from their sugar rush from the cookies mema and papa gave them and i feel like i need to do something.  i need to do something creative or something awesome.  But im soooo tired.  i went to bed at like 3 and had weird ass nightmares about cigs probably because its school time and im craving.  It always made school better when i could smoke after class or before class.  I miss my damn 27's or 72's.  But im trying really really really hard not to start back up.  Its been about 2 and a half months since my last cig.  seems like forever and a day ago.  damn nicotine.

Never start smoking unless you intend on never stopping.  They start to run your life and effect you in all portions of your life.

Last night while i had insomnia i was watching a show called worst weddings.  OH man that show was a train wreck i could only watch a minute of it without laughing my ass off.  This couple got married in the woods and everyone was in camo hunting suits including the bride she wore no dress just hunting outfit.  WTF? and for their honeymoon the husband is taking her hunting and calling it a huntingmoon.  He bought her a bow for hunting as a wedding gift. wtf? some people really just wow i dont even know.

Watching LA ink the other night really made me want my tattoo fixed.  I want to add so much to it and fix it soooo bad!  If only i was allowed to.

ohkayyy anyways enough of the pictures.

So i have a few ideas for my novel stupps (stuff but sydney pronounces it as stupps)
I just have to get in the right mood to start writing it.  and when i say right mood i mean in a confident mood haha.

Im really excited for football season.  Out here in Texas it's the biggest thing ever.  I'm thinkin about getting a cowboys jersey and i want to go to the highschool football games cause if you've ever seen friday night lights like i have you know how awesome it is.  I wish cowboy tickets weren't so much money or else i would go to a game.

I still need to start my moms scrap book but i am so freakinn tired its rediculous.  If i would stop having all these nightmares and insomnia i wouldnt be so tired but nooooooo i have to have nightmares everynight.

Right now Michael is playing guitar and the girls are watching bolt.  Soon i will be getting Mc Donalds for dinner and feeling guilty about all the calories im eating.  Hopefully soon once i get into a schedule of working out i wont be gaining so much weight.  I may still "look thin" but ive gained like 10 pounds recently and im not lovin it.  bleh.

WEll imm off for a little while sorry this post wasn't too exciting it's been a pretty laid back day.  Ill write later.  Bye bye worldd.

little bit

of frustration today.
In the process of getting better and doing better for myself i also realize how lonely i've let myself get because of my lack of friends.  I'm glad that i don't have any more bad influences anymore but i do miss having someone to text to tell them when something funny happens.  in time i will get friends out here which im not going to lie im super excited about but nervous too.  I get so nervous meeting new people but i am really trying to get out of my comfort zone and be super friendly.

I still have yet to decide whether or not i want to write a full book or start off with short stories.  I have a few short stories so far but i have some ideas on books i could do.  Im scared to start writing a book and feel like i failed if i cant finish it.  I think im going to look into some creative writing courses later down the road to help me.

I spent today with the girls but all day i have had a headache...mostly from the change in the weather.  It was so nice out today though we spent so much time yesterday and today outside it is a nice change.  The girls and i watched a few movies today the line up was lady and the tramp aid bud twice and casper twice.  then i put in enchanted but they only saw some of that one cause it was bath time.  I have mastered the bath time by myself.  It is actually easier than it sounds and now that im somewhat over the nervous part of being a nanny and its more like a natural thing.  I love being with the girls its amazing to just watch them interact with each other and interact with other people.  The childs mind is so complex most people would think differently or think that children dont know much at all but in fact they know more than anyone can see.  Infants learn 50% of their knowledge from when they are born till they are 1 years old. That alone just astounds me.  Children pick up on any time of emotion any bad vibe from anyone they are sensitive to environments and they learn so much before they can even talk.  If that isnt amazing i dont know what is.

Sydney's new thing is to say "My mommy wants me to"  Yesterday morning at 8:30 i asked the girls what they wanted for breakfast and Sydney says popsicles i said no its too early she said "my mommy wants me to have a popsicle."  It's funny because she thinks i will fall for it.  She is also singing more princess songs now.  Its not just ariel if you ask her to sing snow white she will.  It's funny to see her run around outside and hear her sing at the top of her lungs.  Carrie says she doesn't just watch the princess movies for entertainment she watches it as a guide for life.  She pretty much believes she is Princess Sydney.  && Molly has been such a sweetie pie to me today giving me hugs and kisses and all the i love you's i could ask for.  It always warms my heart to hear that.  Although its not i love you its I bub youu.  either way its adorable.

At the moment Michael and I are watching Batman.  Its amazing on bluray.  The joker is so awesome in this oh man.  Well im off to go lay on the couch and relax even though im freakin burning up in here right now.  good nightt!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

and in the process of growing fonder it hurts more and more.  
i feel like I'm going to burst i miss him like crazy.  Its so hard being this far away from each other for this long.  I know its kind of a repetitive thing that i say "oh i miss him i miss him so much" but its the truth and its so hard to be far away i just want to be able to be in his arms when i say i love you and be with him when i tell him about my day i wish he was here so i didn't feel lonely without him.  when i got to see him before i moved it was absolutely incredible i have never been that happy so i cant help but think of that.  Thinking of that does make me happy though it warms my heart i just wish it was reality.  i go to bed every night thinking of him and being with him again so i go to bed happy.  It will be 4 more months till i can see him again unless i fly out in september.  oh man i just had to get that off my head. i love and miss wade<3

in other news i cant wait to start writing.  i've decided to start writing either a series of short romance stories or go for the big and write a romance novel.  hmmm i guess i will have to see how it goes.  wish me luck world!

little post

it is absolutely amazing how a song can take you into a whirlwind of memories good bad funny sad any kind of memory.  so many songs remind me of something and then that little something will put me into a state of nostalgia  it is really amusing to me how little things like a song can do that.  anyways going back to my list of things to do today

good morning

I've got the girls this morning. And at the moment we are watching dora and boots, be jealous.

Im listening to Sydney boss Molly around and i'm thinking its going to be super hard to pick just one of them to do my observation paper on. Im kind of sore from yoga yesterday but i feel so much better.

I'm trying to get all my school work done so i dont do any procrastination but i feel like theres something im missing i hope i dont miss something that i really need. The school needs to call me about not being able to access my other online course its really starting to bother me how much it takes to get their attention and for them to not call me back when theyre supposed to. gr.

Im pretty excited to start getting back into a set schedule. After english on tuesdays and thursdays im going to start going to the gym at school. I get to use it for free! Its right across the hall from my yoga class so i think that will be good. I can finally get back in shape ive gained like 10 pounds and im not too happy about that! I love working out it makes me feel really good so im excited. I wish i had a work out friend though that would make it ten times better. In time im sure ill find some friends out here but for right now im not too concerned with it. Dont get me wrong it would be nice to have friends out here to talk to and get lunch with and stuff but im not going to force it or be to eager cause i have other things to focus on first.

I'm missing Wade like crazy right now. Every day it gets a little harder because i miss him more and more every day i dont see him. But everyday that goes by is also one day closer till i can see him. I really want to fly out in september but its super expensive to fly from Texas to Cali. I would need a spare 300 dollars and thats not something i have right now. I do get to fly home in december and im hoping he gets to as well. Hes been on this FOB thing for the past week so i havent really gotten to talk to him as much because he's not on base. He's been able to go on base for a few hours and was able to call me which made me smile like crazy. its hard being so far away. He graduated from school out there in GA and now is doing a special class he was picked to do. He gets to do that for two weeks then goes home for a month. i wish i was going with him. He's going to be moving to his new base in WA which is reallllly exciting. Im hoping all plans work out. I love him and miss him like crazy!

I feel like doing a project today so heres on my list of things to do.

• Read Chapter 1 for English.
• Check in on the blackboard for my online courses.
• Call the insurance place to see if they reinstated me.
• Call Tech support for my missing online class.
• Clean kitchen
• Fill out forms for Child development classes.
• Start scrapbook for Mom

Doesnt look like so much when i write it down but in my head it seems like a never ending list. Im thinking a nap is in store for me today....well only if the girls take one too.

Well im off to start on my list of things to do ill post later today!

P.s. i want to get my tattoo fixed and finished so bad!!! I wish i was allowed to cause it needs so much work!

yoga

totally relaxed me. I don't know how it happened but i was actually relaxed. It was a bittersweet emotion i was so glad to find a way to relax but the release of all my tension was emotional. Crazy how something like yoga can bring out so much in you. I am fully amazed by it.

my thoughts for the day.

• The DVD princess stories is the lamest thing ever. i have had to watch this with the girls 5 times yesterday and going on round 3 of it today. whoever made this princess stories bullshit did it to torture the adults.
• i don't want to go to English today and deal with the people. I don't really like this girl who is just pure drama. Its only and hour and 15 mins but I'm dreading it.
• I'm excited for yoga cause we get to start doing exercises.
• Carrie is thee funniest person ever.
• I've been dreaming of my boyfriend and i hate waking up because in my dreams I'm close to him. no matter how weird my dreams are, if he is in them I don't care. I really really really miss him and am working really hard to try and save some money to fly out in September.
• my online courses are going to be a bittersweet experience.

So now that's over. Today i have English and yoga pretty much already tired of English already i wish i would have taken it online instead. Its freshman English so almost every one is fresh out of high school and act like they are still in high school. But oh well i will deal.

We are watching Sleeping beauty on blue ray and its pretty amazing what they've done to the DVD.

I've decided that I'm tired of people judging me. I like having people be protective and care but there is a certain point in every ones life where they have to make their own decisions. I would like to make mine without being terrified that I'm going to disappoint someone and feel like i need to keep things a secret. it drives me crazy. i love my family and my friends but i need to start making decisions without every ones consent. it gets so tiring to please everyone and i just can't please everyone anymore. I have to do what i think is right for my life. I know its a big decision to make but it is my life and my choice to make. I get so stressed trying to find a way to make compromises to make everyone happy and keep my sanity but I'm tired of it its time to make myself happy and not just everyone else and no matter how hard that is i have to do it.

now that I'm done venting I'm going to go finish getting ready for school

i will write later on bye world!

My first post.

Hello world this is my very first post :]

So heres basically a brief run through about me

Im 19 and just moved to Texas almost two months ago.

Im a nanny for my twin nieces who just turned three :] and it is the best i love being with them every day!

Im going to school (just started yesterday) to be a preschool teacher.

I am very happily taken by my boyfriend Wade<3>

I miss him terribly and every day i start to miss him more but everything between us is amazing.

I live with my step sister, her husband, and my two nieces. I love it.

My sister is the funniest person you could ever meet we're always just messing around and joking.

Between watching dora the explorer and princess movies im doing online courses for child development classes. Im also taking yoga and english but those are on campus.

Im loving this fresh start that i have going

new people new opportunities new, happier, me.

I spend my days with the girls and now doing homework and projects and im always busy but it keeps me happy.

so thats about as brief as i could make it :]

and thats it for my first post

ill post some more later on