so basically.

im fed up with the male race.
im really fucking tired of it.
i want to know when im going to stop attracting assholes and when im going to find a real fucking genuine person.  i mean i dont really want a relationship right now and all im looking for is friends and to just talk to people about meaningless stuff idk just have friends but i guess with guys that is not allowed ever is it in their genetic code that they cant be just friends with a girl i mean even guys with girlfriends cant even do it and i fall for it every single fucking time. fuck em.

its been a while.

soooo im sorry i havent written.  ive been pretty stressed and not been in a writing mood.
Not much has really changed in the past few days.
Wade and i have exchanged the bare minimum of convo and when i say that i really mean it.  His dumb ass cant even get the courage to break up with me and cant even talk to me either.  still unknown why we broke up but he can fuckinn suck itttt.
Carrie, the girls, and i went shopping today.  I needed some clothes that actually fit me so i got a dress at old navy that is sooo cute.  it was only 15 dollars.
Then we went to kohls which was amazing.  i got a pair of skinny jeans a hoodie a shirt and a pair of heels for 40 dollars! i felt pretty damn good about that one.
Im supposed to hang out with my new friend Katy from yoga  were going to have a girls day well evening because we both got broken up with or whatever in the same weekend.  we bonded lol.
school is really stressful but im trying to make the best of it.
i started to write tonight im not sure if its a start to my book or what but it isnt too bad i send it to my best friend Alex to see what she says.
other than that not much has really changed
im going to listen to the storm and go to sleep
study dayyyy alll dayyyyy tomorrow.  goodnight world.

Hairrr cutttt.

Got my hurrr did today.  It made me feel better.

Breakups pretty much really suck.
I made a friend in yoga and im really excited to have made one.
and i saw theeee hottest person in class today ohhh man.
im really starting to love yoga.
its amazing the things i can do that i never thought id be able to do

i really love tattoos and im missing them. damn.

i dont have much to say today ive been holding up pretty well today but im still a bit sad and dont have much to say i promise to write more tomorrow bye bye peopless.

cooled off.

so yeah now im cooled off and not so angry.
im actually pretty ohkay with it all
no tears just really irritated with how it all happened.  Im now free to really have my life out here.
Theres some amazingly gorgeous emt && firefighter guys at my school
oh man they are sooooooooo gorgeous.  love itt.
im movin on and in the midst of the drama my writers block went away and i have an idea for a story
now its time to try and map it out
and outline it and all that jazz.
i feel like im in a good place right now woohoo go me.

one of the only things i miss about cali and yes i took this picture.
well im off now peace outttt

im single.

yup thats right im single.
hes a fuckin dumb ass.
ignores me for three days
then when i text him and say so is it over or what
he says yeah.
nothing else.
wtf.
im fucking livid at the moment.

wtf

is up with guys?  No i have a boyfriend means it NO MEANS NO DUMB ASS!
No does not mean hit on me more it does not mean im playing a game with you come on to me more it also does not mean you can get me to crack cause im unavailable and thats something appealing to you.  Just cause you tell me im good looking doesnt mean shit fool.  OH yeah and this is what he says if i knew you were going to end up looking like you do now id would have hit on you in hs.  THIS FOOL.
im only looking for friends and even if i was single what this dumb ass is doing doesnt make me want to be with them it repulses me.  


OHKAY. rant over. 


anyways.  I had the girls today.  Me and Michael made a good team today.  The girls giggled so much and it boosted my mood a lot.  I ended up reading a chapter of a text book that i wasnt supposed to. so that was useful.  as carrie said at least ill know more than the rest of the class.  go me! 
Boyfriend hasnt talked to me in two days.  Idk whats going on but theres been no contact on his side and im not pushing it.  Whats the point of pushing him to talk or buggin him?  If he doesnt wnna talk to me then fuckk it.  let him do what he needs to do and get back to me whenever he can.  Weird thing is it really hasnt affected my mood as much as i thought it would.  Im surprisingly ohkay.  I mean im a little annoyed but im not really that pissed or upset or whatever.  Im just well...whatever about it.  


I got to talk to my mom for a bit today and my step dad for like a minute.  The girls talked to them too it was cute.  Molly kept telling gampa that shes hungry.  "I HUNNGRAYYYY Gampa." Its one of her things to say that and "You come my house?" So cute. 


After the girls were about to go to bed i went to sonic and got my giant 5 calorie lemonade.  i got a large this time but usually ill get a route 44 and thats only 10 calories i mean really? can it get better than that?


I also went to walmart.  With this gaining weight bullshit going on i had to buy a couple new things that wouldnt suffocate my ass.  And of course i couldnt resist buying a romance novel to read in between my school work.  cause as my english professor said its good to keep reading other things because you like it take care of yourself and do school work.  
therefore i win i get to read my books and write and get my school work done. woohoo. 
I rented movies as well.  Walmart has the redox the dollar rental thing and got fighting and adventureland.  its for my late nights i spend looking for something to watch and i cant ever find anything.  Carrie wont be home till like 1 so ill probably be up when she gets home.  


well thats all ive got to say today bye bye blogspott. 

music

soothes the soul.
My entire day consisted of reading my text book.
reading some more
&&some more reading
talking to Alexx on the phone. finally.
then more reading
occasionally getting something to eat.
and after oh ill say about 6 hours of reading
Michael and the girls came home and i gave them a bath.
It was bubble hair night.
Then read some more and took my quiz which i did average on.  I really need to figure out how im going to do all this homework when im so damn confused on it.
then did homework for another class.
Once Carrie and Michael went to bed i put on my music and have been mindlessly doing random things to keep my mind from going to places it shouldnt be going right now.  and it shouldnt be going anywhere cause i dont want to think anymore.  It causes problems when i do so i have ceased any thoughts coming in at this very moment.  im going to be doing some yoga tonight to see if that helps.
i dont want to have another night like last night where i was up until like 330 or 4 in the morning.
that was just a disaster.
Basically haven't heard from my boyfriend since last night.  He hasnt talked to me all day so whatever.  This indecisive thing is really getting me mad.
Talking to Alexx made me feel good today.  I missed talking to her it was good to catch up with her.
well i really dont know what else to say cause my day was pretty uneventful.
ill write later world.

bad night.

i dont even know what to think anymore.  I dont know how to fully trust.  As of now my guard is way up and im super upset.   I mean it shouldnt be hard to make a decision.  When you say something mean it and dont back out of it later and give no reason other than i dontknow.  It just breaks my heart when i believe in someone and start to trust them but then it back fires in some way.  Im glad we're together but i wish i knew what he was thinking.   I wish i knew how he felt and being so far away from him doesnt help.  God this is hard so freaking hard.  Long distance is hard enough without indecisiveness.  Im firm on my side of how i feel is it so hard to ask for the same?  Sure this is a small little bump in the road in the relationship but really it still hurts.  It just throws me off.  Im better with how i react to things now and im surprised at how well im taking it.  but damnit all i can think is make up your mind.  AHHH! i just dont want to be hurt again.
Talking to my sister really helped me tonight and i am glad i have her cause if not i would be a total mess.
 

wow.

guys suck.
they never know what they want.  they pretend like they do but they really dont.
whatever. i just dont get it.  is it a game or is it the fact that they dont know what they want?
ugh.

Soooo

my tooth in the very back is cracked in half.
Of course my Metzger teeth come into play when i have no insurance to pay for the procedure it would take to fix my teeth.  LAME!
It's kind of annoying me cause there is a sharp piece that stabs me and it gets irritated idk what to do for ittt.

Today was kind of nice.  I got to wear my new shirt!

Was is worth the money.....HELL YEAH.
I felt super confident today strutting around school.  I was pretty friendly to these two girls in my english class today.  I really put in an effort to be nice and maybe make some friends but it didnt really work.  The girls were not having my friendlyness lol.  OH well.

I was really restless in yoga today but it was fun.  There were new positions that were pretty interesting.  I felt like i got a really good stretch in today which means tomorrow will be a sore day.

Speaking of tomorrow i have the girls which will be fun.  If its not storming out tomorrow i think a fun day in the backyard will be in store.

I finally got to talk to my boyfriend on the phone.  He totally kept me smiling.  He loves me even if i am a lame ass.  He has such a busy schedule for the next two weeks.  He graduated but now hes doing this special class and its really hard but i know he will do well i believe in him :]  I freakkin miss him.

OH so since when does 'i have a boyfriend' mean hit on me more?  I really don't get that.  It happens all the time.  I mean really when i say i have a boyfriend it means i have a boyfriend im not interested.  It seems as if guys never really get the hint.  I could say i was lesbian, im married, i have a fiance, im a nun, and they would still try their hardest cause no isnt in their vocab.  Stupid much?  Its nice to hear compliments but theres a difference between saying 'oh you look pretty' and 'hey cutie if you get bored i can entertain you ;]' Yeah entertain me? IN YOUR DREAMS! I mean seriously boys are really really dumb.  I hate how they treat women like they are dumb or like they have full control or like they are a piece of meat.  As if i dont already hate men from my past expierences im even more distant now because all they ever care about it looks.  Newflash fools: Women are more than just a piece of ass.
It gets so discouraging like you cant trust anyone anymore.  How lame.

Now done with my random rant.  I found this picture of Katy Perry and i really want to look like her.

Do you think i could ever look like that? I WISH!

My online courses are finally all working.  Good and bad.  Good cause i get to start the class bad cause im now behind.

Well now im off to bed.  Waking  up early to be with the girls.  Nanny D!
goodnight world<3

pretty sure

im getting sick.  and im pissed.  i kinda feel like my head is going to explode with pressure.  screw colds.
today i went with my sister and the girls to the dr for molly.
then hit the mall.  we all know how much i love the mall.  i got a new shirt and its absolutely adorable.  i think im going to wear it tomorrow at school so i can look like a cool kid. bahah. just kidding.
and when we got home the girls and i took a pretty awesome nap.  Then we played outside and had a blast all night.  I even got a hand wash by molly in the bath tonight.  it was absolutely adorable.
Im all sore from the yoga and its a good feeling.  my walk tonight made it just as sore though haha.
im pretty sure my head is going to explode any moment and im not loving it.  good night all.

busy day!

therapy at 930 till 1030
psychiatrist 145-11
went home
went to school
english 230 to 330
got my id card went home to change and eat a samichhh.
then back to school for yoga.
put the girls to bed
and went on a walk with buddy.
busy productive day? i think so.

Let me just say i think the government paid drs should just stop being dumb and do their jobs.  just because they may not like where they work doesnt mean they have to be ass's to their patients.
And is it a requirment for them to not listen to a word you say?  cause if so they have it down pack!
anyways english today was pretty boring she did a lot of lecturing and i wanted to go to sleep.  im excited to start writing essays and stuff in class though.  am i crazy? probably haha.

Allergies are kicking up really bad.  i feel sick :[  My mood has been pretty good today.  especially after yoga.  Seriously the best invention ever.  especially for people who are always stressed like me.  Its teaching me how to relax and thats a freakkin miracle.  Its such a good release and i started making friends in that class.  Hopefully soon ill get the nerve to go into the gym by myself.  Its kind of intimidating to go in there when its filled with big body builder guys haha. ohkay not all of them are that big but theyre all in more shape that me.  oh well ill get there soon.

Right now im watching warehouse 13 and its so creepy!  not going to lie its probably going to give me nightmares.

well its a small blog today i am a little too tired to write anymore.  bye bye world!