WHATEVERRRR. :]

"im always sayin its ohkay its alright i put the pain away and let it slide i forgive and forget then you promise me i wont regret it but i do its not right cause ill turn around and let it slide and im crazy for thinkin that someday youll change when you keep on crossin the line "
Nikki Flores.  Great song and great singer.  
Thats my favorite song right now.
So basically i had the most random ass dream last night.  im still giggling about it.  I dreamt that there were tornados and my friend frankie (who lives in Texas) protected me and let me stay at his house and then we drove in the snow and he hydroplained which was weird.  but the funny part was i went to work and everyone was jerkin.  like the dance hahaha.  so then i started jerkin rejected dippin the whole thing.  and new boys was stuck in my head so i guess thats why.  Garrison laughed at me cause im white haha.  :] im even more determined to learn how to reject.  I can jerk i can dip but i cant fuckin jerk i dont understand it.  i will learn it damnit.  
46 more days till i fly home.....LAMEEEEEE. i don't wanna gooo! i mean i do and i dont but damn its such a hassel.  my mom booked me with american so i have a non stop flight.  3 hours thats not too bad.  still doesnt change my mind i dont wanna go all the way home but im STRONG.  i can do this.  ive got support and carrie is only a phone call away.  i wish i was going to be home to see my nieces get all their toys from santa and everyone but oh well ill see it on video i hope haha.  i cant wait to see my cousins and my sisters and my brother and my nieces and nephews and my mama.  family reunion for fuckin sure.  Theres a few friends i want to see too.  Theres a lot that wanna chill when i get home but im just not going to waste my time with.  im not stupid i can see right through yall i know what you want and you aint gettin it.  :D
ive found that i beat myself up on a daily basis over the past and i dont want to do that anymore i think i need to start writing down whatevers in my head thats bothering me save it and let it get out of my head.  that might be the easiest way to do it but who knows.  do i even want to let go of some of these memories? i dont even know but all i know is im strong enough to get past all of this.  i love my life how it is ups and downs highs and lows whatever it is i appreciate it and im thankful for it.  
so im starting to get over my flu thankfully! i hate the flu.  My cough is still around but i sound a lot better.  My mom didnt even call to check up on me but WHATEVER.  i think i should stop trying see if she tries to contact me.  with my luck she wont call me till i come home.  and even then what ill see her once in a while ugh whatever not thinkin about it.  
im really in the mood to start writing but the awesome idea i had last night before i fell asleep i forgot so now im trying to figure it out.  hmm once i start writing ill start putting in little bits and pieces of it.  thats what my trip is for relaxing reuniting and writing.  OH and ive come to the conclusion that i will be in full makeup everyday.  i have to take advantage of the air out there.  my makeup doesnt always stay awesome all day here cause the weather but out there it does so i will do it damnit! and ima wear heels and dresses and cute clothes everyday.  and hopefully ill have my glasses by then.  woohoo :] i have my eye exam on tuesday so im pretty stoked about it.  i need me some glasses so i can actually see :D
well im going to bed goodnight yall.